Santa Baby
by itzalliballi
Summary: She'd thought she'd be alone this Christmas, and she'd completely lost her Christmas spirit. Maybe he was all that was missing. IzzieAlex with hints of AlexLexie


I've never been one to need a guy. I mean, not really. I want guys, and I fall in love entirely too easily, but I've always taken care of myself. There's just something about Alex that I **need**. And I hate myself a little more every time I give in to it. Truth of the matter is Alex's heart doesn't belong to me anymore. He moved on. I let him move on. Because why? Because of Denny. He was my fiance, and I loved him. I could have easily spent the rest of my life with him and been happy. We could have played scrabble, and played silly games at all times of the night. He would have taken me for long walks in the park, and he would have taught the kids how to play baseball in the back yard. He would have happily done it all while I busied myself with work, climbing up the ladder of success. With Alex. I would be spending my days with Alex. And my nights with Denny, and that would have been okay with me. I think. When I was blissfully unaware for how much I **needed **Alex. I no longer have such luxury. I am painfully aware. I have an ache in the pit of my stomach every time I pass him and her together. They are happy, and every one that sees them knows. Knows that they are probably only days from being engaged. I know, it's insane to think of him like that. But the way he looks at her, he's so different from the guy that cheated on me with Olivia.

I don't know when he changed, and I don't know if she changed him, but he is different, and for some reason, I miss the old Alex. The Alex that spoke to me in first person, and made incredibly inappropriate jokes all of the time. The Alex before I told him about George. I told him I slept with George, my best friend. Another guy I loved. It seemed so perfect, he was my best friend and he made me so happy. Yet, it still wasn't right. He was nothing like Denny or Alex, and I needed so much more than he could ever give me. Maybe it's selfish, but it would have been wrong to continue the charade. I don't think I ever made him that happy either. We don't really talk about that anymore. We go on as if it never happened. It's better that way. We haven't made it back to where we were, we can't talk about other relationships yet, but I think we are getting there. God, I hope so. I need my best friend back. I need him to tell me to snap out of this. Whatever this is I have about Alex.

"Hey Iz." Alex. I smile as best I can at him as he sits down on the couch beside me. It's Christmas, and I'm alone. For now anyway. It's okay though. Meredith and Derek will be home in a little while, and hopefully I can get them to entertain me for at least a little while before they go upstairs.

"Hey." I respond weakly, and I watch painfully as he adjusts himself on the couch, clearly uncomfortable already. I glance past him for signs of her, but for the first time in awhile, she's not following him, and suddenly my smile gets a little brighter. "Solo tonight?" I ask, trying to hide the excitement in my voice as I brace myself for the answer. She's probably on her way or something.

"She's working tonight." He frowns, resting his head against the back of the couch, letting his eyes flutter shut momentarily before opening them to look at me. "What about you? Any big plans?"

I quickly shake my head before leaning back on the couch too. "Nope. No plans for Izzie." I laugh as I stare up at the ceiling, anything to keep me from staring at him.

"Izzie has no plans for Christmas? That doesn't sound like the Izzie I know." He grins, jabbing my side softly with his elbow.

"Things change, I guess." I frown, avoiding his gaze by looking the other way. I don't want to be a downer or rude, but really what does he know about me? He's too busy with Lexie to notice I'm alive. He probably wouldn't even notice till someone else was taking up his time in the shower.

"Everything okay?" He asks, sitting up a little bit straighter to look at me directly, concern written clearly across his face.

I smile thankfully at him with a nod. "Fine. Just not in the holiday spirit this year, I guess." I shrug my shoulders, trying my best to be indifferent.

"Yeah?" He asks, biting softly on his lower lip for a moment before nodding, leaning back again. "Me either."

"Oh. That's shocking." I laugh as I turn my head towards him, suddenly struck by his close proximity. I could easily brush my nose against his if I nudged my neck out just a smidge, but I ignore the impulse. Lexie Lexie Lexie.

"Well, you know, I was prepared for Holiday madness this year, living with you, and I have to say, I am deeply disappointed in the lack of cheer in this house. I mean you make Meredith look like a spokeswoman for holiday cheer."

"HEY!" I gasp at his clear insult. "I do NOT accept that! Meredith is as dark and twisty as ever, she just now has Derek to release the tension!" I deadpan, and I can tell he's just waiting for me to break into hysterics. Well, guess what, I refuse buddy.

"Release the tension?" He grins, biting on his lip harder this time to bite back the laugh that'd BEGGING to be released. I can see it in his throat, and I am quite impressed he's held it this long.

"Laugh all you want, but you know it's true!" I slap his arm as soon as the laughter leaves his lips, but it only fuels it more.

"Sounds like someone is jealous." He laughs, and this time I gasp. He did NOT just tell me I was jealous of Meredith's crazy sex life. I am not. I do not need sex half as much as Meredith does, but damn, at this point, any sex would be quite nice. Damn it.

"Shut up!" I slap his arm again, this time refusing to meet his gaze. Afraid that he'd see how badly I wanted him to kiss me right then. I couldn't let him see that, even for a second. There were only two outcomes, and neither were good for me. One being he'd see right through me, and immediately get uncomfortable and leave. Number two being worse. He wouldn't know me at all, and he wouldn't even notice.

I fight the wince as I feel his chilled fingers on my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze right on. "Hey. You sure you're okay?" His voice is much softer than I've heard in a long time, and just in that moment, I feel like I have my Alex back. If only for a short moment. My eyes flicker from his eyes down to his mouth, and I lick my lips quickly out of instinct. God, why can't I just kiss him. Why can't we be under a mistletoe? They are everywhere in this freaking house. Damn Derek needing even more reasons to kiss Meredith in front of everyone. It's a little insane, really. She gets ambushed at every turn. Not that she's complaining.

"Don't worry." I grab onto his hand for just a moment for a friendly squeeze, but as soon as I felt his warmth, I couldn't bring myself to let go. I found myself sitting there just staring at our connected hands. I'm sure my heart rate nearly double on impact, and I just hope that he doesn't notice. "I'm going to go upstairs and lay down. I'll see you later. Merry Christmas, Alex." I smile, finally forcing myself to let go of his hand as I stood up. I'm almost certain that he looks almost as disappointed that I let go as I feel, but I shake it off. Clearly I'm making it all up in my head.

"Merry Christmas, Iz." He smiles at me finally, and I nod my head before heading for the stairwell. The quicker I get out of the room, the better. My mind plays tricks that my heart can't take. Not today. Not on Christmas.

My head barely hits my pillow when I hear a knock on my door. I sigh because I know who it is. The only person it could be. I know it's what I was hoping for the entire time I walked up the stairs, but now that I'm in my bed, I'm afraid to let him come in. Plus, I locked the door. I trudge back to the door, opening it quickly, trying to form a sentence that wouldn't contain love, but I failed, so I kept my mouth shut as I looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to tell me why he'd followed me to my room.

"So here's the thing, Iz." He stumbles on his words slightly, and I can't stop the smile that's gracing my features. He is so incredibly adorable sometimes. "You were walking away, and you were passing all these damn things." He stops for a moment as he pulls a mistletoe from behind his back. It was clear that he'd just yanked it from where ever he found it, but I was still speechless due to the butterflies in my stomach, so I let him continue. "You kept passing these things, and the only thing I could think of is what a waste of these things if no one gets any use of them. And I know that you don't want me. And I know that we will never work, but it's Christmas, and since when do you not have freaking Christmas spirit." I can tell he tried hard not to follow me, and the only question now is what he's going to do about it.

"Alex?" I finally manage to get out after a moment passes in utter silence. I guess I shook him from his thoughts because he finally looks at me before looking down at my hands. He reaches out with his spare and grabs hold of it before placing the mistletoe in my hand.

"This is your mistletoe now, Iz. Find someone to share it with. EvenifitisO'Malley." I want to laugh at the last mumbled bit, but I was too awestruck to even do that. I didn't know exactly what I was suppose to do though. He was with Lexie. A mistletoe does not give me the right to kiss him.

I simply nod, afraid to ask any more questions. I watch helplessly as he walks away, this time heading for his room. His door is shut before I bring myself to look down at the garment. My eyes darted between it and the now closed door several times before finally I sighed. What the hell. It was Christmas.

I strode quickly to his room, not even bothering to knock on the door before barging in. I wasn't expecting him to be shirtless, therefore I stopped momentarily in the doorway in shock, but I quickly regathered my wits before I lost the courage that I have no idea how I got to begin with. "I want to share it with you, Alex." I whisper before throwing the mistletoe on his bed, quickly grabbing onto his face, and pulling him into a kiss. I can tell he's shocked because it takes him a minute to respond to the kiss. But he does. He eventually opens his lips just slightly enough for my tongue to trespass. It'd been far too long since I felt the inside of his lips, and I immediately realized that I never wanted to go without them again, but something told me that this kiss wouldn't change anything. Just like the last one. Except this time, I wasn't the one stopping us.

I finally pulled away with a smile on my face, despite the fact that my brain was begging for oxygen. "Thanks." I laugh softly at myself as I cast a quick glance to his bed. "Merry Christmas, Alex." I feel my lips with my fingertips as I walk out the door. I didn't run, I knew he wasn't going to follow me. I knew I wasn't going to receive a better gift than that. "I love you." I whisper as I lean against my closed door with a smile on my face as the beat of Santa Baby floating in my head.


End file.
